the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
