Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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