you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
