...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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