no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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