bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
