did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize