Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
