In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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