I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
