Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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