dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
