well I can't set my house on fire every night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize