he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
