That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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