It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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