im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
