Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
