I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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