I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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