would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
