a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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