whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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