guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
