just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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