Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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