he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
