Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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