I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
