Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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