Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
