Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
