every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
