he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
