Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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