are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
