i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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