I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
