is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
