that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
