i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
