I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
