I wish I only lived at night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
