1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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