I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
