Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
