at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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