I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
