My friends, they love my intelligence
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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