Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
