I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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