my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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