she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
