I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize