Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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