you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
