he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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