Sacagawea was the original milf.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize