mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
