i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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