i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Even my vagina gasped.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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