On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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