my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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