Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
