Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
