i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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