Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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